ILLUSION AND DUST

I know it may sound like a stereotyped social-worker/third world activist bullshit but being here, among all those poor crippled children, among severely hit C.P. patients really gives me food for thought.

What the fuck is life?
Is it the whores in Sukhmvit Road?
Or it is those children who can not even walk, they can just crawl their way into life?
Is this the Ying and the Yang?
Is not the first time I see those poor kids, I do not even remember how many times I did visit them but maybe coming straight from “Bangkok never ending party atmosphere” to here is like a punch in the stomach.

I watch those girls, Jinumol, Gilu, Sujatha etc. and I think about their lives, how they must be feeling inside.
I wonder what they hide behind their wonderful smile that, for an old cynical fart like me, can not be real. Life has been too much cruel for them to allow them to smile like in such a way.
I think about so many people I know in Switzerland who are unable to put on a smile even if paid 1.000 Francs.

Life is not fair, this is sure.
Why were they born like this? If there is a God, I wonder why does it allow this to happen?
Is this only a matter of bad Karma?

Fuck shit, I have no clue of course, but here I am among those smiling children who basically have nothing to cheer about their life and I admire them so much.
I will never know what their smile is hiding, I can only imagine what kind of pain and sorrow they are having inside, but at least they are putting on a brave face against the shit life gave them… at least they do… how many among us would be able to, at least, do that?

I can not do too much for them, unless what I am doing now and shall this make me feel better?
Nope, I know what I am doing for them is next to nothing, I wish I could do more but maybe this is simply their fate, life is about acceptance as Buddha said and one thing is sure we can not go against life, we can just follow the flow, we have no control about anything. Life is impermanent.

I see them gracefully dancing and I wonder “are they dancing for life or are they dancing despite life?”, but who cares at the end. I watch them dance, moving around with their “dead legs” and hope this moment will make them feel happy… despite everything.

PALAI, HOME FOR OLD PEOPLE:

If in Bangkok temptation was constantly staring me in the eyes here in Palai death is doing the same thing.
I look at those poor old people in here, they are practically just waiting to die.
I saw their old faces marked by time, pain and sorrow, I look at their crippled bodies and I think that this is what is going to happen to everyone of us.
Beauty, strength, stamina everything will disappear one day and death will uncover what we are really are…illusion and dust.

Changanacherry, November 23rd, 2548

C – COPYRIGHT / Claudio Romano