SAILING ABOVE CLOUDS

In the last month I have visited 4 different countries (5 if I include Issarn which is sometimes a nation by itself, as it is so much different than the rest of Thailand) and flown over two continents.
I’ve lost count of the many miles I’ve been travelling by air, train or car.

This reminds me of when I was a boy (and this means centuries ago) and how I’ve always liked to listen to Celtic folk music, surely too many groups to mention but anyway I would like to remember the wonderful Silly Wizard, De Dannann, The Pogues, Runrig, Christy Moore among others.

Always I’ve been fascinated by their immigrations songs, mostly tales of sailors and fishermen leaving their shores to go in new places in search of fortune, a new life and new opportunities.
The pain of parting from their dear ones, the adventurous journey and the usually sad and beautiful melodies were really catching my heart and soul. Please try to listen to Silly Wizard’s “Sweet Dublin Bay”, “Loch Tay Boat Song”, “Fhear a Bhata” or “Fisherman’song” to have a brilliant example.

Now while I am on board of flight TG 971 which brings me back to Thailand for the umpteenth time it just strikes my mind how my life has become similar to those songs and their lyrics.
How I can feel the same pain of parting from the loved ones and the joy of a reunion with some other beloved one, the tiredness and the possible dangers of this life.

The big difference is that I am not on board of a ship which floats above the ocean’s waves but I am on an airship dancing, and sometimes shaking, above clouds.

Did I become like those heartbroken heroes of such age old songs?
Am I a sailor above clouds?
Working in 4 different countries (Thailand, Switzerland, India and Nepal), living in Thailand and having my very, very dear ones in Switzerland make me an emigrant “sailor above clouds”?

Surely, I am but not a heartbroken one, in fact is the contrary as in the process I made some people heartbroken, and this will be my biggest regret.
But now I really think I was made for this kind of life, I was simply born for that.

I am like a tree with no roots and at the same time with so many wonderful flowers on my branches.
I have no home but at the same time many homes.
I have many people to love and I hope someone may love me back.
I have no other certainty that life is impermanent, to open my eyes every morning and to feel alive and be aware that the same day may well be my last one on earth.

And during my recent stay Switzerland I clearly discovered that I surely do not belong there anymore even though is my country of birth, but at the same time I can tell that for certain I do not belong to Thailand yet, even though I like very much to live here.
I do not belong anywhere, is this sad or this means I am lucky and free?
Is this meaning I have no other attachments than the people I love?
How is possible that I do not have any sense of belonging anywhere?
Am I such an individualistic person or an enlightened one (sorry for me but I bet is the first option)?

Will my life ever change?
I doubt, I will probably never be able to stop in any place for a long time.

Am I a natural born rambler?
It may well be.

Is this a way to escape from something or someone?
No, it did it so often and for so long in the past but when finally I acknowledged and accepted my nature I suddenly stopped escaping from things and in this process I came to accept finally my many, too many flaws and my blatant imperfections.

I came to accept my dark side and my grey side that for years I refused to acknowledge, I just wanted to have one bright and white side, the good side. I always wanted to be the good knight in a shining white armour but finally I accepted I am not and I will never be.

And now I also know that there is no good, there is no bad, we go through things in our life, through experiences that are moulding us in a way we may never have expected.

This is way I am now, with my grey and dark sides, life’s experiences helped me to discover and, most important, accepting them.

Yes, I am a sailor above clouds with all my human flaws possible, I hope not to break more hearts again but mine will never be broken as I have too many people to love and to care about.

PEACE AND LOVE.

Bangkok, 29th of December 2548

C – COPYRIGHT / Claudio Romano